The Mathematics of Balance
It’s not uncommon these days to feel like being happy means having to make a whole bunch of lifelong changes. But let’s discuss what we mean by lifelong changes. What kinds of changes are we talking about? Where do they start from? And why should they be lifelong?
When I talk about change, I’m referring to the never-ending process of transformation that we undergo in search of a better version of ourselves. It’s the constant adjustment of our benchmarks; the images we have in our heads; and our reasoning, opinions and views on everything that happens around us. Change is built on a longing to find balance and harmony, and to perfectly position our internal pendulum. After all, this variability comes from our desire to become better and to find our true selves. In truth, this desire is as natural as our desire to eat or sleep—it is a part of our nature. For some, it is more conscious and dominant, for others it might not be so strong. But we all have it. The only thing we should always keep in mind is that any time we stop striving to be better, we are bound to become worse. Therefore, it is very important to constantly cherish this yearning for growth and, like a flower, not let it dry up or wither away.
Where does change start within our lives? From the decision to stop eating after 6 p.m. or give up sweets? Or maybe from the choice to sign up for a fitness class or to start doing yoga every morning? From which step? For me the process started at that critical point when disappointment in my lack of willpower prevailed, when all my failed attempts to embark on a new life had accumulated to such an enormity on my shelf of letdowns that the shelf could no longer stand it and collapsed. At that moment, I decided to prove myself capable: either I would start working on a particular little project and bring it through to the end, or I’d mean nothing to myself. It felt as if it were a game. Who would overcome whom? Except the two competitors were inside one person.
I believe that this moment of huge dissatisfaction with oneself, with one’s habits or environment, is the exact moment of readiness for the journey to begin. In an instant you’ll realize that you’ve had enough of putting things off until tomorrow, that it is absolutely necessary to start acting now, that you are definitely up to the challenge, and that you are the only obstacle in your way.
Why is this whole process a lifelong one? We all regularly visit our hairdressers, or get manicures. We understand perfectly that it is impossible to get our hair or nails done once—they won’t remain impeccable forever. This is so obvious. Why, then, is it not also obvious that going on a diet a couple times per year won’t help us look fit and healthy? That getting married and giving birth to children won’t make us perfect wives and mothers once and for all? Just as we need to continually take care of our hair and nails, we need to invest time and energy into being fit, creating healthy habits, developing relationships within our families, and above all in growing as people.
The process of working on oneself is interminable. As a consequence, the search for balance happens all the time. You cannot just find it once and call it good. Let’s imagine that our well-being is a mathematical function with multiple variables or factors (events, so to speak). If the input data are absolutely correct, then as an output this function gives us our perfect state of balance and harmony. What is “absolute correct input data”? Every one of us has our own definition of this term. Let’s take, for instance, a good night’s sleep, nutritious food, and the ideal weight:
F(good night’s sleep, nutritious food, ideal weight) = BALANCE
In mathematics, a function is a law of dependence in which each variable input results in a single output. As it happens, our sense of inner balance depends on lots of factors, and input data are rarely perfect. There are thousands of examples of how things can go wrong—moments when something is missing or does not go as planned, or when we are simply not in the mood. And so, very often the output of this function is:
F(something goes wrong) = IMBALANCE
The main point in all this is that we should find what to add or subtract, or maybe even multiply or divide, so that irrespective of what life gives us as an input, we always get BALANCE as an output.
So, how can you implement all this adding, subtracting, multiplying, and dividing in real life? Well, first you’ll need to know your perfect input data—an exact list of those things that bring you back into balance. In order to create this list for yourself, simply make notes during the moments when you experience real happiness, when things go even better than perfect, when you are in a state of flow. Ask yourself what helped you feel that way. Having this list at hand in moments of displeasure and irritation will make it easy to see exactly what’s missing from the equation. Maybe you need to add a few more hours of sleep, subtract some negativity coming from social media, multiply your efforts toward achieving a goal, or divide up responsibilities at home.
Life is not merely a single episode that repeats itself again and again. Every day something new happens, we evolve, our environment and lifestyle change. Hence, we must try to keep balance at all times, like a tightrope walker in a circus. But is that not what makes our lives so surprisingly beautiful and full of charm?